For a year and a half now, I've known and for just over a year I've been married to Amy and in a year roughly, we've had our share of trials. In the past 5 months I've had an overwhelming trial of being unemployed. It's been tough to say the least! We've had to cut our living to essentials only but we've have had tons of help from countless people. Family, friends and our LDS faith. We have been steadfast in prayer and our tithes to find an answer.
I have tried countless times to find work through the internet using a variety of websites, Yahoo, MSN, KSL, ldsjobs, etc.. with several interviews and always turned down. Even my recent interview which was very promising, but to no avail. I've had several very depressing days with today being the hardest one yet! Complete emotional overload!! The only way to describe what I was going through this morning. I had looked over at least 500 job listings and some very disturbing thoughts flooded my mind! I can't describe them, but they went from bad to worse, even suicide came to mind. The sadness that followed was overwhelming and I had a rush of anger, such anger I have never felt before! I just sat here wondering where it had come from and when it would end. I had to try hard to think straight and thought of Amy. Without much thought, I had gotten to my feet, walked into my room, knelt down and cried uncontrollably for about 20 minutes!! Through my sobs, I was able to plead for Mersey from the Lord for these feelings to leave my mind, which they did immediately!
Amy came home shortly thereafter and found me in such a delicate state and I was able to relay to her what had happened. She began to cry and went into the other room for a minute or so and when she returned, she told me that she arranged for some more time at home before work. It was the best afternoon I've ever known! To spend such valuable time with the love of my life and to feel of her compassion and love for me!
The utter hopelessness and shame (that I have felt) to not even land the simplest job to ease our tension would still not have brought me to such things as I thought today, as it would most undoubtedly have ruined more than just Amy and the rest of her life!
Rest assured that I have not and will not give up on my life nor Amy's life and I continue to search for a job that will at least give me comfort. But I will always have the comfort companionship and love with Amy.
This has been a hard trial and as it continues I hope that no one else has to suffer from it. But I know that there are countless others in the same place with the same thoughts and my prayers are with you!
I Love You Amy
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I love you too! I am glad I was able to take the first few hours off of work to be with you. Of course I always love it when I get to spend time with you.
ReplyDeleteDave, I pray for you daily and put your name on the Temple prayer roll weekly. "Hang on a little longer." Getting a job is hard work. Keep at it. Take the workshops at the employment center. It will help your attitude and state of mind. It will help you focus on your positive attributes and show you how to talk about yourself.
ReplyDeleteWe keep you all in our prayers daily too!
ReplyDeleteDave, I feel bad for what you are going through. Unemployment is one of the most difficult of all trials. When Uncle Lynn got home from Vietnam there were no jobs available. He finally took one he didn't want, selling office equipment door to door to businesses. It ended up being worse than having no job at all because he'd make the sales and then the equipment would be backlogged and not delivered and the companies would cancel and sometimes we would have lived off a borrowed paycheck because it was "commission" only. He finally had to walk away from that job and it took a long time to finally find his job with the state. He started at the very bottom when people his age who hadn't been in the service were years ahead of him, owning homes, and seemed so far beyond what we were going through. We understand your feelings and pray you will find the job you are looking for. You will be in our prayers and know we love you.
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